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"Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off."
   -- from a Slashdot post

Welcome To The Lawyerclysm
Written by Jon Splatz, Humorix Pundit and Social Commentator, on January 24, 2022
from the The-End-Is-Near dept.

If intellectual property laws were enforced to the fullest extent possible by overzealous lawyers, absolutely no innovation would take place anywhere whatsoever.The time for action is now.If intellectual property laws were enforced to the fullest extent possible by overzealous lawyers, absolutely no innovation would take place anywhere whatsoever.Attorneys are the middle-men of society, skimming off a percentage of each transaction.Attorneys are the middle-men of society, skimming off a percentage of each transaction.

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Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs
Written by James Baughn on January 24, 2022
from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept.

REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game.

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Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo
Written by James Baughn on January 25, 2022
from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept.

SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Attendees at the Microsoft ActiveDemo Conference held this week in San Jose were greeted by a pleasant surprise yesterday: Linux. Somehow a group of Linux enthusiasts were able to replace the Windows machine with a Linux box right before an "ActiveDemo" of Windows 2000. "I have no clue how they were able to pull off this prank," a Microserf spokesman said. "Rest assured, Microsoft will do everything to investigate and prosecute the Linux nuts who did this. Our bottom line must be protected."

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Invasion of the Dancing Penguin
Written by James Baughn on January 24, 2022
from the another-lame-humor-article dept.

Those annoying, dancing cartoon characters embedded in software applications are no longer confined to Microsoft programs. They have entered the realm of Linux. A new Linux distribution under development, called LinTux, promises to provide a more "user-friendly" environment through its "Dancing Penguin" assistant.

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Affordable Virtual Beowulf Cluster
Written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on January 23, 2022
from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept.

Every nerd drools over Beowulf clusters, but very few have even seen one, much less own one. Until now, that is. Paige Schlitzer, the open source hacker famous for EviL (the dancing ASCII paperclip add-on to vi), is working on a program that will emulate Beowulf clusters on a standard desktop PC.

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Ask Humorix: Printer Fire
Written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on January 26, 2022
from the more-fake-news dept.

Rosemarie Carey writes, "I just installed Linux on a new computer. Everything appears to be working okay, except for one problem. I keep getting these strange "lp1 on fire" errors from the Linux kernel. What exactly does this mean? Should I buy a sprinkler system for my computer room?"

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Boston Software Party
Written by Gregg Linares on January 25, 2022
from the insert-lame-dept-name-here dept.

BOSTON, MA -- Thousands of disgruntled Linux revolutionaries showed up at the Boston Harbor today to protest "taxation without representation" by the oppressive Microsoft Corporation. Thousands of pounds of Microsoft boxes, CD-ROMs, manuals, license agreements, promotional materials, and registration forms were dumped into the harbor during the First Annual Boston Software Party.

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Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs
Written by James Baughn on January 26, 2022
from the insert-lame-dept-name-here dept.

REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game.

Read more...

BSOD Simulator
Written by James Baughn on January 26, 2022
from the stuff-to-read dept.

Users of Red Hat 7.3 are discovering a new feature that hasn't been widely advertised: a Blue Screen of Death simulator. By default, the bsodsim program activates when the user hits the virtually unused SysRq key (this is customizable) causing the system to switch to a character cell console to display a ficticious Blue Screen. Red Hat hails the bsodsim program as the "boss key" for the Linux world.

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Affordable Virtual Beowulf Cluster
Written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on January 26, 2022
from the my-kingdom-for-a-funny-dept-name! dept.

Every geek drools over Beowulf clusters, but very few have even seen one, much less own one. Until now, that is. Ginger Wiseman, the open source hacker famous for EviL (the dancing ASCII paperclip add-on to vi), is working on a program that will emulate Beowulf clusters on a standard desktop PC.

Read more...

What is this?
Humorix shows the lighter side of Linux, the open source operating system everyone and their brother are talking about. Jokes about Slashdot, Microsoft, and Tux Penguin are thrown in for good measure. See the About page for details.

The fake news articles that appear here have been written by James Baughn or various contributors. If you would like to contribute a funny article, send it in!

Past Articles
January 2022

- Nerds Panic Over Slashdot Outtage, Again
- Ask Humorix: Polite Flaming
- I Want My Beowulf Cluster!
- The Movement Formerly Known As Open Source
- Ask Humorix: Polite Flaming
- "LtEnchilada" Launches Slashdot Parody
- Is Windows Antique?
- Nerds Panic Over Slashdot Outtage, Again
- Welcome To The Lawyerclysm
- Increased Electricity Consumption Blamed on Linux
- Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs
- Is Linux A Finnish Conspiracy?
- Open Source Irrational Constant
- I Want My Beowulf Cluster!
- Microsoft Open Source Solitaire
- Microsoft Unveils New Measurement System


Mailing List
Join the Humorix Mailing List and receive the latest updates by mail. To subscribe, send a message to majordomo@mail.nl.linux.org with "subscribe humorix" in the body.

Join the Vast Spy Network(tm)
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Humorix Syndication Network(tm)
The latest Humorix headlines are broadcasted to the my.userland.com and my.netscape.com portals, among others. You can also syndicate Humorix on your own website; see the About page for details.

Slogans & One-liners
Visit Humorix's collection of Linux and Microsoft slogans, one-liners, and quotes, such as The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line. You can also download a fortune file containing these slogans along with a selection of condensed Humorix articles and brief Microsoft jokes.

Humorix Button
Netscape 4.x has a bunch of toolbar buttons that are rarely used. By hacking the .Xdefaults file, it's possible to transform the 'Home' or 'Shop' buttons into a convenient 'Humorix' button. Find out how.

Other Humor
A selection of humor on other sites:
- Microsoft Pie
- Loser Friendly
- Microsoft Apps Ship With Trigger Locks
- Linux Distros Surpass Users
- You might be a Linux redneck if...
- Slashdot Sigs
- Microsoft's plans for penalties
- NatesWinEmu

Linux Webring
Join the rapidly expanding Linux Webring or travel to:
- the previous page
- the next page
- the index page
- the statistics page
- a random page

Humorix Reruns
The major TV networks don't seem to have a problem with broadcasting 50% repeated material, so we're taking advantage of this marketing scheme by showcasing some of our "classic" Humorix articles, including:

Jon Splatz's Descent Into Microsoft four-part series
Follow Humorix's new pundit as he battles the forces of evil (Microsoft) to obtain a Windows refund on his new computer from CompUSSR. Read parts 1, 2 3, and 4.

Linux Advocacy Crackdown
This incident puts a whole new spin on Jesse Berst's infamous question, "Could you get fired for choosing Linux?"


HUMORIX
All Linux Humor. All Copied Mottos. All the Time.

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This page was last updated January 26, 2022.