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"Windows hasn't increased computer literacy. It's just lowered the standard."
   -- from a Slashdot post

Treaty of Helsinki Signed
Written by Bernhard Rosenkraenzer on September 16, 2021
from the stuff-to-read dept.

HELSINKI, FINLAND -- A cease-fire in the flame war between Linux and FreeBSD has been reached. A group of two dozen Linux and FreeBSD zealots met in Helsinki to ratify a treaty bringing a temporary end to the hostile fighting between both camps. "Today is a good day for peace," one observer noted. "Now both sides can lay down their keyboards and quit flaming the opposing side on Usenet and Slashdot."

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Linux Infiltrates Windows 2000 Demo
Written by Robert G. Werner on September 16, 2021
from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept.

SILICON VALLEY, CA -- Attendees at the Microsoft ActiveDemo Conference held this week in San Jose were greeted by a pleasant surprise yesterday: Linux. Somehow a group of Linux enthusiasts were able to replace the Windows machine with a Linux box right before an "ActiveDemo" of Windows 2000. "I have no clue how they were able to pull off this prank," a Microserf spokesman said. "Rest assured, Microsoft will do everything to investigate and prosecute the Linux communists who did this. Our bottom line must be protected."

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Jargon Coiner
Written by James Baughn on September 16, 2021
from the lexicon-laziness dept.

Jargon Coiner is an irregular Humorix feature that aims to give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made up. If any of this jargon is actually adopted in the Real World, rest assured that we will waste no time in bragging about it. Of course, if it isn't adopted, then we will quietly delete this article from the archives and nobody will be the wiser.

In this installment, we define "for(;;)tune loop", "Karma Kollector" and "Star Spinoffs".

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Could You Get Fired for Visiting Slashdot?
Written by James Baughn on September 18, 2021
from the more-filler-material dept.

Scefaith, OK -- Emanuel Mermann, an employee at streamline Consulting, Inc., was fired from his programming job because of his addiction to Slashdot. He typically visited Slashdot several times a day during working hours. Citing productivity problems, his boss gave him the pink slip and instituted a 'NoDot' policy -- no visiting Slashdot or related sites from the office, ever. Now Mermann has filed a lawsuit, claiming that his Slashdot addiction is protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act.

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Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder
Written by James Baughn on September 17, 2021
from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept.

Microsoft's Dancing Paper Clip turned violent last week and nearly killed a university student testing a new Windows-based human-computer interface. The victim is expected to make a full recovery, although psychiatrists warn that the incident may scar him emotionally for life. "You can bet this kid won't be using Windows or Office ever again," said one shrink.

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Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches
Written by Dave Finton on September 16, 2021
from the another-lame-humor-article dept.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... and then destory 'em. That seems to be the new Microsoft strategy for dealing with Linux. Instead of fighting a FUD or patent war, Microsoft operatives are doing something totally out of character: they are contributing patches for the Linux kernel and other programs. It's all part of a massive denial of service attack against Linus Torvalds designed to bring kernel development to a standstill. By sending over 10,000 patches per minute by email to Linus and other top kernel hackers, Microsoft has exposed Linux's Achilles heel.

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Could You Get Fired for Visiting Slashdot?
Written by James Baughn on September 18, 2021
from the more-filler-material dept.

Blue Glade, NY -- Lamar George, an employee at enhance Consulting, Inc., was fired from his programming job because of his addiction to Slashdot. He typically visited Slashdot several times a day during working hours. Citing productivity problems, his boss gave him the pink slip and instituted a 'NoDot' policy -- no visiting Slashdot or related sites from the office, ever. Now George has filed a lawsuit, claiming that his Slashdot addiction is protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Read more...

Treaty of Helsinki Signed
Written by Bethany Smedley on September 16, 2021
from the insert-lame-dept-name-here dept.

HELSINKI, FINLAND -- A cease-fire in the flame war between Linux and FreeBSD has been reached. A group of two dozen Linux and FreeBSD zealots met in Helsinki to ratify a treaty bringing a temporary end to the hostile fighting between both camps. "Today is a good day for peace," one observer noted. "Now both sides can lay down their keyboards and quit flaming the opposing side on Usenet and Slashdot."

Read more...

It's Too Late -- The Lawyerclsym Is Here
Written by Jon Splatz, Humorix Pundit and Social Commentator, on September 18, 2021
from the The-End-Is-Near dept.

If the Founding Fathers of the US saw what is happening today in the so-called "Justice" system, they would be appalled.Why isn't anybody doing something about this?Lawyers are slowing but steadily conquering the world.The Lawyerclysm is already occuring. Be afraid. Be very afraid.If the Founding Fathers of the US saw what is happening today in the so-called "Justice" system, they would be appalled.Geeks everywhere must stand up in unison to fight off the Phantom Menace: Lawyers.

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What is this?
Humorix shows the lighter side of Linux, the open source operating system everyone and their brother are talking about. Jokes about Slashdot, Microsoft, and Tux Penguin are thrown in for good measure. See the About page for details.

The fake news articles that appear here have been written by James Baughn or various contributors. If you would like to contribute a funny article, send it in!

Past Articles
September 2021

- Attack of the Venture Capitalists
- Rob Malda Finally Gets His Damned Nano-Technology
- Joanna Acquires All Red Hat Shares
- Evolution Of A Linux User
- Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder
- Increased Electricity Consumption Blamed on Linux
- Brief History Of Linux (Part 5
- 'Kitchen Sink' OS Announced
- New OS Released: Yodix
- The Socioeconomic Group Formerly Known As "Geeks"
- New OS Released: Yodix


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Slogans & One-liners
Visit Humorix's collection of Linux and Microsoft slogans, one-liners, and quotes, such as To segfault is human; to bluescreen moronic. You can also download a fortune file containing these slogans along with a selection of condensed Humorix articles and brief Microsoft jokes.

Humorix Button
Netscape 4.x has a bunch of toolbar buttons that are rarely used. By hacking the .Xdefaults file, it's possible to transform the 'Home' or 'Shop' buttons into a convenient 'Humorix' button. Find out how.

Other Humor
A selection of humor on other sites:
- Microsoft Pie
- Loser Friendly
- Microsoft Apps Ship With Trigger Locks
- Linux Distros Surpass Users
- You might be a Linux redneck if...
- Slashdot Sigs
- Microsoft's plans for penalties
- NatesWinEmu

Linux Webring
Join the rapidly expanding Linux Webring or travel to:
- the previous page
- the next page
- the index page
- the statistics page
- a random page

Humorix Reruns
The major TV networks don't seem to have a problem with broadcasting 50% repeated material, so we're taking advantage of this marketing scheme by showcasing some of our "classic" Humorix articles, including:

Jon Splatz's Descent Into Microsoft four-part series
Follow Humorix's new pundit as he battles the forces of evil (Microsoft) to obtain a Windows refund on his new computer from CompUSSR. Read parts 1, 2 3, and 4.

Linux Advocacy Crackdown
This incident puts a whole new spin on Jesse Berst's infamous question, "Could you get fired for choosing Linux?"


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This page was last updated September 19, 2021.