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"Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen."
   -- from a Slashdot post

Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs
Written by Robert G. Werner on March 29, 2024
from the more-fake-news dept.

REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game.

Read more...

Security Holes Found In Microsoft Easter Eggs
Written by Robert G. Werner on March 28, 2024
from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept.

REDMOND, WA -- It's damage control time for the Microsoft Marketing Machine. Not only have exploits been found in IE, Outlook, and even the Dancing Paper Clip, but now holes have been uncovered in Excel's Flight Simulator and Word's pinball game.

Read more...

Welcome to Humorixia
Written by Jon Splatz, Humorix Pundit and Social Commentator, on March 27, 2024
from the The-Final-Solution dept.

"We the Geeks of Humorixia, in Order to form a more perfect, bullshit-free Society, establish real Justice, insure domestic Freedom, provide for the common defense of Geeks, promote the general Quality of Software, and secure the Blessings of Free Software to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this General Social License for the Nation of Humorixia..."

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Open Source Irrational Constant
Written by James Baughn on March 27, 2024
from the another-lame-humor-article dept.

In a revelation that could rock the foundations of science, a researcher in Idaho has discovered that the digits of the irrational constant PI encode a version of the Linux kernel. "I can't believe it," the researcher, Morris Hensley, exclaimed. "And yet, here I am staring at what appears to be the source code for Linux kernel 4.0.0. Needless to say, my whole world-view has changed..."

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Could You Get Fired for Visiting Slashdot?
Written by James Baughn on March 27, 2024
from the stuff-to-read dept.

Southopolis, CO -- Jay Ogier, an employee at quality-circles Consulting, Inc., was fired from his programming job because of his addiction to Slashdot. He typically visited Slashdot several times a day during working hours. Citing productivity problems, his boss gave him the pink slip and instituted a 'NoDot' policy -- no visiting Slashdot or related sites from the office, ever. Now Ogier has filed a lawsuit, claiming that his Slashdot addiction is protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act.

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Open Source Beer Revolution
Written by James Baughn on March 27, 2024
from the another-lame-humor-article dept.

Yesterday, Red Hat introduced an 'open source' beer called Red Brew. The recipes for making the beer are available for free over the Net, and microbrewery kits are available at low cost from Red Hat. Says a Red Hat spokesman, "With the proliferation of free (open source) software, it was only a matter of time before open source beer became reality. After all, the only thing hackers like more than free software is free beer!"

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Affordable Virtual Beowulf Cluster
Written by James Baughn on March 27, 2024
from the another-excuse-to-bash-microsoft dept.

Every nerd drools over Beowulf clusters, but very few have even seen one, much less own one. Until now, that is. Lauren McCoy, the open source hacker famous for EviL (the dancing ASCII paperclip add-on to vi), is working on a program that will emulate Beowulf clusters on a standard desktop PC.

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Will Silicon Valley Become A Ghost Town?
Written by Robert G. Werner on March 27, 2024
from the stuff-to-laugh-at dept.

Back in the 80s, businessmen hoped that computers would usher in a paperless office. Now in the 00s, businessmen are hoping that paper will usher in a computerless office. "We've lost more productivity this last decade to shoddy software," explained Mr. Lou Dight, the author of the bestselling book, "The Dotless Revolution". "By getting rid of computers and their infernal crashes, bluescreens, and worst of all, Solitaire, the US gross domestic product will soar by 20% over the next decade. It's time to banish Microsoft crapware from our corporate offices."

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Microsoft Fights Linux -- By Contributing Kernel Patches
Written by James Baughn on March 28, 2024
from the another-lame-humor-article dept.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em... and then destory 'em. That seems to be the new Microsoft strategy for dealing with Linux. Instead of fighting a FUD or patent war, Microsoft operatives are doing something totally out of character: they are contributing patches for the Linux kernel and other programs. It's all part of a massive denial of service attack against Linus Torvalds designed to bring kernel development to a standstill. By sending over 30,000 patches per minute by email to Linus and other top kernel hackers, Microsoft has exposed Linux's Achilles heel.

Read more...

Invasion of the Dancing Penguin
Written by James Baughn on March 29, 2024
from the more-filler-material dept.

Those annoying, dancing cartoon characters embedded in software applications are no longer confined to Microsoft programs. They have entered the realm of Linux. A new Linux distribution under development, called LinTux, promises to provide a more "user-friendly" environment through its "Dancing Penguin" assistant.

Read more...

What is this?
Humorix shows the lighter side of Linux, the open source operating system everyone and their brother are talking about. Jokes about Slashdot, Microsoft, and Tux Penguin are thrown in for good measure. See the About page for details.

The fake news articles that appear here have been written by James Baughn or various contributors. If you would like to contribute a funny article, send it in!

Past Articles
March 2024

- The War Against Linux
- Open Source Beer Revolution
- Book Review: Stranger in a Slashdot Land
- Red Hat Unveils New Ad Campaign
- Attack of the Venture Capitalists
- Bill Gates Passes Turing Test
- Wyoming City Changes Name To 'Linux'
- A Brief History Of The 20th Century Lawyerclsym
- Open Source Beer Revolution
- New Crime Identified: "Tech Rage"
- First Annual Nerd Bowl
- Invasion of the Dancing Penguin
- Man Charged With Crashing Windows
- A Five-Day Waiting Period For Microsoft Software?


Mailing List
Join the Humorix Mailing List and receive the latest updates by mail. To subscribe, send a message to majordomo@mail.nl.linux.org with "subscribe humorix" in the body.

Join the Vast Spy Network(tm)
We don't let just anyone become an international Linux spy... we only let in people who pay US$14 for a Humorix T-shirt.

Humorix Syndication Network(tm)
The latest Humorix headlines are broadcasted to the my.userland.com and my.netscape.com portals, among others. You can also syndicate Humorix on your own website; see the About page for details.

Slogans & One-liners
Visit Humorix's collection of Linux and Microsoft slogans, one-liners, and quotes, such as The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line. You can also download a fortune file containing these slogans along with a selection of condensed Humorix articles and brief Microsoft jokes.

Humorix Button
Netscape 4.x has a bunch of toolbar buttons that are rarely used. By hacking the .Xdefaults file, it's possible to transform the 'Home' or 'Shop' buttons into a convenient 'Humorix' button. Find out how.

Other Humor
A selection of humor on other sites:
- Microsoft Pie
- Loser Friendly
- Microsoft Apps Ship With Trigger Locks
- Linux Distros Surpass Users
- You might be a Linux redneck if...
- Slashdot Sigs
- Microsoft's plans for penalties
- NatesWinEmu

Linux Webring
Join the rapidly expanding Linux Webring or travel to:
- the previous page
- the next page
- the index page
- the statistics page
- a random page

Humorix Reruns
The major TV networks don't seem to have a problem with broadcasting 50% repeated material, so we're taking advantage of this marketing scheme by showcasing some of our "classic" Humorix articles, including:

Humorix: We're A Portal Too!
Humorix isn't just a lame humor site, we're also a publicly traded company (Nasdaq: FAUX). Track our rise to power as we file for an IPO, unveil technology stolen from the future, deal with the Securities & Exchange Commission, undergo a wildly successful IPO, lose it all the next week, get sued by Microsoft, and, most recently, establish our own independent Pacific island nation.

Linux Drinking Game
A perfect excuse to drink mass quantities of alcohol, all in the name of Linux World Domination.


HUMORIX
All Linux Humor. All Copied Mottos. All the Time.

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This page was last updated March 30, 2024.